im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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