literally had 100 drinks last night.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
