we have officially lost it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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