I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
