Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
