There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
