I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
