I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
