Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
