easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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