you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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