you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
