i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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