totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
