I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
