i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Your cock deserves a montage
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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