I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
