Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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