He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Someone signed my nipple.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
