And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish i was in the wii world.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
