hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
