the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
