I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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