cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
