I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
