Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
