This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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