Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
