Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
