i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
