Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
