In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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