My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Buhtt sex?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you win again, gameday.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
