her facebook's as public as her vagina
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
