He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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