your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
