The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
dude. I can hear the air.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
