There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
