Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
