hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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