your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
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I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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