Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
