If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
