he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My vagina is officially offended.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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