I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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