i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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