Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
