I hope mine doesn't look like that
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
