doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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