I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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