I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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