Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
