I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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