dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Shame - the story of my life.
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