I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
