she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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