i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
