What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
