I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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