Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
