If that was your dad, he is hot
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you will always have a special place in my vag
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
