**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
