So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
