Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She bit a glass in half.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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