her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
