you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
