What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
