i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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