Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
